Hold On My Heart
by VeritaParlata
Summary: Missing scene. Set after the 'I don't hate you' speech. Lucas properly apologizes to Peyton and they work out their differences.
1. Part I: Apologize

Hold On My Heart

Rating: Mature  
Characters/Pairings: Lucas/Peyton, Lindsey  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters from _One Tree Hill_.  
Author's Notes: My first One Tree Hill/Leyton story. Started as a one-shot but I decided to break it up into two parts. Mainly to allow myself some time to sleep...lol. Sorry if it's not so great. I'm writing two other stories at the same time and since this is my first OTH story, I'm still finding my way through characterization. The next part will be the conclusion and better hopefully. Enjoy!

Prompt: Forgiveness  
Premise: Missing scene. Set after the 'I don't hate you' speech. Lucas properly apologizes to Peyton.

Part I: _Apologize_

_Hold on my heart.  
__Just hold on to that feeling.  
__We both know we've been here before.  
__We both know what can happen._

- _Hold on My Heart_, Phil Collins

Sitting face to face with the girl he's loved for most of his life, Lucas Scott felt better than he has in days, weeks even. Staring into Peyton Sawyer's soulful green eyes was the most calming and serene experience of his life, always had been, and he wanted nothing more at this moment to tell her that. To tell her that there hasn't been a single night since they broke up that he hasn't dreamed of staring into those eyes. He wanted to tell her that he was sorry for the way he'd treated her since her return to Tree Hill and not just for telling her that he hated her, which he did just a few minutes ago.

"_I don't hate you... I still remember the first time I ever saw you. All skinny arms and a tangled mess of hair."_

He wanted to tell her that he still loved her. That he never stopped, not even when he stood up at the altar and professed before his friends, family and God, that he would love and cherish Lindsey for the rest of his life. The thought of doing that terrified him though. The last time he bared his soul to Peyton she turned him down (though in his mind he made it to be ten times worse). He wasn't sure he could face that again.

"_It was hard losing you, Peyton..."_

But a voice in the back of his head couldn't be quieted. Haley told him to stop running from his problems and hiding his heart. He figured this was good step.

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice barely higher than a whisper but he knew Peyton heard him. Her eyes flickered away briefly. "For hurting you the way I have since you came back home. I was..." He sighed heavily, hoping the words he needed to say would make sense to her. She looked back up at him. "I was pushing you away and holding on to you at the same time and that wasn't fair."

"Luke," Peyton tried to interrupt.

"No, please," he responded lightly. His eyes searching her pleadingly, hoping to sense some understanding in her clouded gaze. "I need to say this."

Peyton nodded her head, silently giving him consent to say whatever he needed to say.

"It was wrong of me to blame you for our break up," the realization of the words hit him just as strongly as they hit her. "I went to LA to... try and recapture what and who we were in high school without thinking or even acknowledging that we were different people. I loved you just as much as I always had and I hoped that was enough to carry me through the trouble I was going through but it wasn't fair to you. It wasn't fair of me to want to take you away from your dreams just to help me with mine. And it wasn't fair of me to accuse you of not supporting me when that's all you've ever done... even when I didn't deserve it. You were afraid and I just... used it against you."

His words hung in the air as silence fell between them. Lucas' heart raced faster with every lingering moment. Peyton swallowed hard, trying to regain what little composure she started with. Yet, the tiny flame in her chest flickered with pride and hope.

"I love you, Peyton," he admitted resolutely. "I always have and I always will."

The tears that threatened to fall before did so now. Slipping down her cheeks silently as Lucas continued to make his declarations.

"It's taken me a very long time to get to this point, and the journey has not been easy at all. But here I am..." he laughed softly. "... sitting before you telling you what everyone else has always known: I'm in love with you." He smiled sweetly to her. "I was standing on the River Court, looking down at the words you painted, thinking about the immensity of your love for me, listening to a message Lindsay left me and it hit me. It's always been there: me and you. After everything we've been through together, after the things I've put you through, you still love me more than I deserve. I don't deserve you, Peyton. I don't deserve your unwavering support and devotion or your love. And I'll regret for the rest of my life pissing all over that, but if you'll let me, I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you."

The words and emotions mixed within her violently. She wanted to rush into his arms and kiss him, to love him for the rest of her life... but too much has happened and she and Lucas needed to work things out before they could get their happily ever after.

"Lucas, you have no idea how long I've waited to hear you say those words." She closed her eyes and sighed happily as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. "How badly I've wanted to hear them since the day after you left LA." When she opened her eyes, the sadness had returned however. "But... it can't be this easy. You've been saying for months now that you're in love with Lindsey... even after she left the wedding." Peyton's shoulders raised and lowered in a helpless shrug. "I don't want this to sound harsh or like I'm pushing you away because I'm not, I just... I want you to figure out what you want."

"I know what I want." Peyton scoffed lightly. "I do, Peyton. You're right. This isn't easy and it's not supposed to be. And you have every reason to be weary of what I'm saying right now. My actions these past few months haven't been the best indication of how I feel about you, but my words are true. I love you and I'll do whatever it takes to prove that to you."

"What about Lindsey?" she had to ask. The memories of him standing at the altar with Lindsey hurt her still... deeply. "You almost married her, Luke."

"Peyton," Lucas tried to interrupt.

Shaking her head, "I need to say this, Lucas."

He nodded sagely. She'd let him have his say, he had to let her do the same.

"You stood before God and all of our friends and promised to love and cherish her for the rest of your life," she said softly. The tears spilled from her green eyes, but she continued on. "I watched you... watched you say 'I do' to her. I watched you fall apart when she left and I watched you chasing after her." Peyton shook her head softly, as if trying to dislodge the bad memories away. "You have no idea how badly that hurt. No idea, but I got through it. I told myself that it made you happy and that's what I want for you because I love you. I love you, Lucas, but I can't be your second choice. I _won't_ be."


	2. Part II: Anger

Author's Note: Okay, so I lied. I said this would be the conclusion but it's not. When I started to write this chapter, Peyton's emotions just took hold. She's been treated like crap this season and I think it would be time for her to get that out. The next part, definitely, will be the conclusion (I hope). Thanks to those who've read, reviewed and made favorite the story! Enjoy!

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies. I don't own a thing.

- - - - - - - - -

Part II: _Anger_

_Hold on my heart.  
__Please tell her to be patient.  
__'Cause there has never been a time,  
__That I wanted something _more...

Peyton Sawyer's heart was conflicted and conspired with her mind against her. Her battered heart swelled with insatiable happiness. That tiny flame that flickered within her chest seemed a full blown fire now. She loved him, always had and always would. But her mind would not let go of the pain so easily. Her mind kept her grounded even as her heart soared.

She watched him moving around the office. The office which he so graciously gave her. The office he wouldn't charge her rent for. The office where she kissed him for the first time in three years. Brooke would tell her to jump at the chance. That life, as they both knew, rarely was so giving. Brooke would tell her to take her chance at happiness.

But something inside stopped her.

Something inside was still broken and needed to be healed.

As much as she loved him... she didn't want to be the one he settled for.

She wanted to be the one he couldn't live without.

"It was more than just a comet because of what it brought to his life: direction, beauty, meaning. There are many who couldn't understand, and sometimes he walked among them. But even in his darkest hours, he knew in his heart that someday it would return to him, and his world would be whole again... And his belief in God and love and art would be re-awakened in his heart."

His voice broke her of her thoughts. He'd been reading from the manuscript Lindsey had given to her when she visited to try and get her to come back to Lucas.

"_Have you read the book, Peyton? Because if you had, you wouldn't be so sure who Luke wants." She handed Peyton the manuscript. "It's not me who needs to make a decision about Lucas. It's you."_

Funny how the other woman turned out to be right.

Peyton did need to make a decision. She just wasn't sure she wanted to.

Lucas dropped the manuscript back onto Peyton's desk. He turned to face her, his handsome face set with determination as he asked, "You've read the book?"

Peyton nodded and gave him a half smile. "It's beautiful."

Lucas gave her a smile that was quite happy and started to move towards her. "Haley called me the night before the wedding. She told me that I shouldn't marry Lindsey. That my book was about _longing_. She implied that the book was about waiting for perfection and settling for nothing less than that." He sat on the stool in front of her again, his blue eyes twinkling with a light Peyton hadn't seen in years. "You obviously know what Lindsey thinks. What do you think?"

Peyton wasn't sure how to answer that. She couldn't deny that his book struck a few chords in her heart or that it didn't reignite the hope she still carried that she and Lucas were meant to be together, but it was only a book. A work of fiction and reality was something completely different.

"I think," she sighed. "That it's a book about a scientist waiting for a comet," she stated simply and moved from her stool to fidget around the office. She couldn't face him right now. She turned her back to him, staring at painting on the wall, fighting the tears that threatened to fall once again. "It's about hope."

Lucas moved off the stool to stand behind her. The scent of her skin nearly drove him mad with desire but he steadied himself. His hand almost caressed her shoulder but he was afraid she would recoil from the touch. However, he knew Peyton could feel him there.

"It's about you," he whispered softly. His soft breath tickled her bare shoulder and she shivered slightly before turning around to face him. Green eyes met blue ones and locked in an eternally passionate embrace. The hand that was too timid to caress her before did so now. Lucas made sure she was looking into his eyes when he said again, "It's about you, Peyton."

He was so close and this felt so right and every nerve in her body sparked at his touch. She'd waited for this. For three long years she waited for this moment. Waited for the chance to be with and love Lucas Scott again, but there was still a wall between them. In invisible wall comprised of hurt, pain, unspoken words and mistakes that needed to be overcome.

"When Haley called me the night before the wedding and said I shouldn't marry Lindsey I thought she was crazy. When she told me what she thought of the book it made me more determined to marry Lindsey."

Peyton scoffed lightly, thinking his statement was a bit insensitive. "Why would you tell me that?"

"Because I was wrong. Because I was running away from the broken heart I created for myself by not waiting for you to be ready. Because I was scared that the longer I was around you that my heart would betray me. It was you I wanted, not Lindsey."

"You still proposed to her, Lucas," Peyton said as she moved around him. Their contact had become too much to bear for her. The raw emotions lied just beneath the surface and his touch seemed to burn her now. "You went through with the wedding! You said 'I do'! Lindsey is the one you chose to spend the rest of your life with and if she hadn't left, you wouldn't be here."

This wasn't going at all the way he planned. Being a writer, Lucas had envisioned saying the words in his heart to Peyton, the woman he loved, and that would magically erase all of the hurt they've caused each other. But now he realized she had to overcome her anger for any of that to happen.

"I don't know what you want from me, Lucas," Peyton said, exasperated. The palms of her hands covered her eyes but Lucas knew she was crying. "You tell me to let you go and to move on. I try to do that and here you are telling me that you love me and you want me... _Now_... after the woman you chose to _marry_, the woman you _proposed_ to with _my _ring, left you. The woman you've been trying to get back with for _weeks_." She faced him with more anger in her green eyes now than in previous altercations. All her emotions were coming to the surface and spilling forth. "God, I am so angry! With you and with myself. I'm _better_ than this, Lucas, and you know it! I'm stronger than this. I put up with you and Lindsey and all the crap because I still believed in us. I still believed that we were destined to be together and that someday you would see that, too. But not like this. Not as some consolation prize."

A single tear slipped down her cheek.

"I can't do this anymore," she told him, her voice barely audible. "I think you should go."

This, most definitely, was not the way Lucas Scott planned for Peyton Sawyer to become Peyton Scott.


	3. Part III: Forgiveness

Author's Note: I kept my promise. This is the final part of my story and I loved every second of writing it. A bit longer than I planned but I wouldn't change a thing. I'm thinking of maybe writing a sequel. I don't know, though. We'll have to see. A very heartfelt thank you to every single person who has read, reviewed and made favorite the story. This is my first story in this fandom and you all have made me feel like I did a decent job. Thank you so much for that. I hope you have enjoyed this as much as I have.

Disclaimer: Usual disclaimer applies. I don't own a thing.

- - - - - - - - - - - -

Part III: _Forgiveness_

_Hold on my heart.  
__Don't let her see you crying.  
__No matter where I'll go,  
__She'll always be with me..._

The two former lovers stood face to face. One face set in determination the other in anger. Unspoken words hung between them like dead air. Years of love and friendship boiled down to this one defining moment.

Peyton Sawyer was angry and hurt. She couldn't understand how drastically her life had changed. The hopes and dreams she had a teenager had dwindled and died. She returned home to recapture some of what she'd lost along the way. But life, as she knew, was often cruel and tested her faith in herself and in love and dreams continuously.

She loved Lucas Scott, but at the moment, she couldn't bear the sight of him.

Lucas Scott loved Peyton Sawyer. He's loved her since the first moment he laid eyes on her and he loves her still. It's taken them years to get the chance to be together and he'd gone and ruined it with his stupid insecurities. He'd walked away from her three years ago and pushed her away since she returned home a few months ago. He understood why she was angry with him. He'd been very unkind to her in recent times. He knew he didn't deserve her after all he'd done but he was stubborn. He was stubborn and so was his heart and he wasn't leaving here until he'd reclaimed the best thing that ever happened to him.

That wasn't going to be easy as the love of his life stood all fiery eyes with her arms crossed defensively over her chest. Her face was set in anger and she looked like the Peyton he remembered. The strong, fiercely independent hard ass Peyton who made his world brighter just by walking in the room.

"You should go, Luke," she told him again, her foot tapping the floor in that angry nervous manner that only Peyton Sawyer had.

He scoffed and started to move toward her and the door. She stepped out of his way to let him pass. He took a step past her and she turned her back on him. Her footsteps started to recede and voices echoed in his head.

"_Peyton! It's you."_

"_What?!"_

"_When all my dreams come true, the one I want next to me. It's you. It's you, Peyton."_

The voices were theirs. He'd said that to her years ago and it still holds true. He may have lost his way but he was back now. This was his moment of clarity just like that moment four years ago. He wasn't about to let it pass him by.

He turned on his heels and walked for her. Seizing her by the waist he turned her around and Peyton, caught off guard, lost her balance and crashed against him. Lucas didn't even give her a chance to speak. Instead, he pressed his lips to hers in a full-on kiss. Hoping that maybe his kiss could convey some of what his heart felt.

He felt her resist a bit before giving into the kiss slightly. She fought the desire to wrap her arms around his neck and hold him closer. Instead, she placed her hands on her chest and pushed away breathlessly.

"Lucas, what the hell?" she asked incredulously.

"That was me showing you how I feel about you since you won't listen to me," he replied honestly. "You are not a consolation prize, Peyton and you're not my second choice. You never were."

"Funny way of showing that," she replied indignantly. Her heart still raced from their kiss, but she wasn't about to just fall back into his arms. Not when she'd found her pride again. "I guess marrying another woman is your ultimate sacrifice of love for me, huh, Luke?"

Peyton immediately regretted the words when she saw him wince. She thought that maybe it was the last straw and she'd pushed him away for good (something she didn't want no matter how angry she happened to be at the moment), but Lucas stayed where he was. Still staring at her with those deep blue eyes she loved.

"You're right. Marrying Lindsey and fighting to be with her when I didn't do the same for you was stupid. _I_ was stupid and in denial about my feelings for you because I was scared, Peyton. It doesn't make them right and I know that one simple kiss won't magically erase all the pain I've caused you but it's the only way I know how to show you what I feel outside of words. You have every right to be angry with me, every single right and if that's what it takes to work through this so we can be together, than I'll take it. I deserve it anyway."

Peyton wanted to believe him. She wanted with her whole heart to believe that they could work past their issues and come together stronger than ever before. And much to her surprise, for the first time in months, she was actually starting to believe they could.

"Peyton, the book is about you," Lucas said again. "I was suffering from writer's block before you came back home. When I saw you again, I was... I don't know... inspired. Seeing you again, as hard as it was, was the best inspiration. I could say things in the book that I was too stubborn to say to you. I could tell the world, once again, how I felt about you."

"You hurt me," she said softly, almost as if she didn't want to. "You hurt me so badly, Luke, and not just with Lindsey."

"I know."

"You gave up on us and walked away from me. You didn't even say goodbye. I woke up alone."

"I know."

"Why her, Luke? Why did you propose to her with my ring after I told you that I still loved you and we kissed?"

Lucas sighed. "I didn't propose to her with the ring. She found it, but I let her think I was going to and I went ahead with the wedding because she was safe. She was everything you weren't and that's what I thought I wanted. Life with Lindsey was predictable and... safe."

"You knew where you stood with her. She was good for you."

"She wasn't you. She never made me feel alive the way you do. She never made me believe in love and art and see all the beauty in the world like you do. She was kind and sweet and... safe."

"You loved her."

"Yes, in some way, I did," he admitted. "But she never captured my soul with just a look like you do. She never touched my soul like you. And she never really held my heart the way only you do."

"If you married her..."

"It would have been the biggest mistake of my life because I am very much in love with you."

He maneuvered her back onto the stool where she sat when all this started. He knelt in front of her to show her how sincere he was. "Peyton, there are no words that can express how sorry I am about hurting you. If I could take those moments back I would. If I could erase the horrible way I've treated you I would, but I can't. I can only make up for it if you'll let me. If you give me the chance, Peyton, I swear to you, we will be better. If you'll have me, I want to be your husband... someday. I know that marriage isn't going to just erase everything and I'm not rushing or pressuring you into anything. When you're ready to be my wife... I want to be your husband. But first, can you forgive me?"

Silence hung between them for what seemed like an eternity. Lucas waited with baited breath for Peyton's answer, hoping that his actions hadn't damaged their chance at happiness.

Peyton contemplated her answer. Should she jump at the chance to be happy with Luke or hold on to the anger and bitterness? Could she and Lucas reclaim what they had or could they be better? Would it even work out in the end?

Staring into his eyes, Peyton knew she would never deny herself the chance to find out.

"Yes, I forgive you," she said, her hands cradling his face. "Of course, I forgive you. I love you."

Lucas smiled brightly as he stood and grabbed her around the waist. He pulled her against him and lifted her in the air. Peyton laughed happily, her first happy laugh in a while, before kissing him.

Both could feel their hearts racing in their chests. This was the way it was supposed to be. Lucas and Peyton. True love always.

After a moment, Lucas put her down on her feet and with her arms still wrapped around his neck, Peyton smiled before hitting the back of his head playfully.

"Took you long enough," she said, and he knew just what she meant.

"I know. I'm sorry. I was..."

"Stupid," they said simultaneously. Laughing, Peyton was the first to speak again, "Listen, Luke, I know that you care for Lindsey and if you need to work things out with her, I understand. But... I've waited three years for this moment and I have to tell that, if you were to ask me right this moment to be your wife I would say yes. I want another ring now, of course," they both laughed, "I know that we've had problems but I think they've only made us stronger and more in love. We're good together and... we can overcome anything as long as we're together."

Lucas looked down into her green eyes and smiled. "Didn't you tell me to go a few minutes ago?" Peyton blushed and lowered her head to his chest. "Wasn't that you, Blondie?"

"Yes," she mumbled against his chest. "That was me but that was before you proved to me that I'm the one you want."

His brow furrowed, "How did I do that?"

"By not walking away. You fought for me," she told him. "That's all I ever wanted you to do, Luke. I only wanted you to stay."

Lucas tightened his hold around her waist. "I'll stay with you forever, Peyton."

Peyton smiled when he bent his head and brushed his lips over hers softly.

- - - - -

Twenty minutes later, their naked bodies lay entwined on the sofa in her office cover only by a thin blanket. Peyton's head rested on his chest and the rest of her body covered his. She listened to his heartbeat while his fingers played in her hair softly.

They both have missed this so much. The connection they had so long ago was still there and just as strong as ever. Their souls mated and were forever locked in an unbreakable bond.

"You're still the one I want standing next to me when all my dreams come true," Lucas whispered and kissed the top of her head.

"Likewise," Peyton responded smiling up at him. She bent her head and kissed his chest, the spot over his heart, before pushing her upright. She looked down at his naked form and felt her heart skip a beat. She stood up from the couch, taking the cover with her, "Okay, you have to go."

Lucas' smile faltered a bit. "Okay, not exactly the words I was expecting to hear after sex like that."

Peyton tossed a coy smile over her shoulder at him as she started to dress. "It's not that. Haley's coming to the studio soon to record and unless your friendship with her has taken a different turn in the last three years, I'm sure neither of you wants her to see you naked."

Lucas didn't say anything, just quickly got up and got dressed.

Fully clothed, they walked towards the door, wrapped in each other's arms. "What do you say after you and Haley finish recording, you and I take a vacation?"

"Ooh, where?" Peyton asked, properly intrigued.

"I don't know. Vegas?"

"Ooh, maybe we can catch a show in between all the gambling?" she joked.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"Maybe," she shrugged and leaned up to kiss him. "Feeling restless?"

Lucas nodded. "I just want to do something spontaneous. I want _us_ to do something spontaneous. Something we wouldn't dare dream of doing."

"I think having sex in an open loft-style office counts," Peyton replied. Running a hand through his shaved hair, "I tell you what, Mr. Spontaneous, when you decide on something wild and crazy to do, you give me a call and I promise I'll go along with it."

Lucas looked down at her skeptically. "I'm gonna hold you to that."

"I hope that's not all you hold me to," she replied seductively. Lucas laughed and kissed her again before leaving her alone in the office.

- - - - -

Two hours ago, Lucas Scott felt horrible. His life was in shambles. He wandered alone in the darkness trying to find his way back toward the light.

Then he stood on the River Court and looked at the words Peyton Sawyer painted for him and the light found him.

It was her. All along it was her and he'd been too blind and stubborn to see it.

She was his comet. Seeing her again reminded him of the beauty this world holds. She inspired him. Gave him purpose again, direction and brought meaning back into his life. He'd spent so much time running away and hiding from her and what they once were that he'd become someone else. Someone he didn't like.

That had changed now.

He was back.

Lucas Scott was back and he vowed to never lose Peyton Sawyer ever again.

Sitting in the airport, contemplating what he was about to do, he remembered her words.

"_...when you decide on something wild and crazy to do, you give me a call and I promise I'll go along with it."_

He intended to hold her to that.

He flipped open his phone and hit the number he'd secretly put on speed dial many months ago. His heart raced as he waited for her to pick up.

"_Hello,"_ Peyton Sawyer's voice answered nonchalantly through the line.

"Hey, it's me," Lucas said. "I'm at the airport. I have two tickets to Vegas. Wanna get married tonight?"

**- The end -**


End file.
